I am here!

I know it doesn't appear that way sometimes, but I promise you, I am still here, I still live and breathe! I haven't disappeared, I swear!

My life is rather boring (yes, the same old complaint), I am going to work, doing school work, and taking care of Dexter (so I have very little "me" time!). I can't find anytime to just sit and muse on my thoughts, because my furry little beastie just doesn't comprehend sitting still and just being, haha. He is getting much better at "self soothing" and just playing on his own, but when he rushes over to me so excited and happy just to play with me, I can't help but devote all my free time to him! We spend a lot of time outdoors, though to be honest, he always needs to be pushed a little further on our walks, mostly because he'd rather be at home playing with his toys and Kyle. Our family snuggles on the couch are highlights of my day ^^ nothing like cuddling up with my favorite boys!

Lately we've been having "puppy parties" out on the lawn with the other puppies in our apartment complex. It's so nice to be able to socialize Dexter with other people and dogs on a daily basis without having to go too far. This morning he went potty despite the gardner's scary loud lawnmowers :) Also, we are down to no accidents/1 accident every couple of days, and let me tell you, it is great having a potty trained pup!

Life outside of Dexter related things is pretty boring. Kyle and I are doing well, aside from a slightly off day yesterday. But, really, nothing to be worried about, just a lot of stress leading to bursting of emotions, leading to lots of apologies, flowers, and make up cuddles. Life is tough, but I can't imagine my life without the man I love!

In other news, my bridesmaid dress came in the mail today, and to my surprise, it looks fabulous on me! You know when you buy clothes online that look amazing, and then you get them and try them on, and they look mediocre/awful? That's what I was afraid was going to happen...but I'm proud to report that the color is lovely, the cut is flattering, and it fits like a glove! Annnndd, if I ever get around to finding time to exercise and lose a little weight, it'll still fit...maybe even better! :)

Speaking of clothes, I will soon be the proud owner of a cute little piece of lingerie made by my oh-so-talented friend Yanira! Check out her company Madam Mignon on etsy! Or twitter, or blogger, or tumblr! Whatever strikes your fancy! She is amazing at what she does, and I hope success finds her way! She and her boyfriend Lee will be moving up to Seattle next year, and I'm SO excited! She's just one of those people I adore! Like the "makes me smile every time I see them" kind of adore! What's fantastic is that Jenny also adores her, so I'm very much looking forward to our future girl group :)

Carly and I keep trying to go skating, with no success :( If it's not my life getting in the way, it is hers...and it sucks! Because I think she'd be a great derby partner...and by partner I mean someone who will attempt to join derby with me! Oh, speaking of new friends, Jenny's friend Caitlin recently moved to Olympia (like a few weeks ago) and we all had so much fun when she came to visit us! Jenny and I want to throw a little Halloween party...which will probably only consist of me, Kyle, Jenny, Diego, Carly, Caitlin...and maybe Diego's friend Scott, lol ...but that counts as enough people for a party, right? Maybe if we call it a "kick-back" or a "get-together" it'll sound less pathetic, lol.

Speaking of Halloween, we are all quite excited for the upcoming holiday! Our balcony is pimped out with fake spidey webs, and hanging pumpkin/ghost lights ^^ it's pretty cute! We also bought a little Halloween banner, and a table runner, just for fun! Oh, and not to mention our cute skull Halloween cups! I'll post pictures when I find them, lol...

p.s. I feel so bad because I always say I'm going to post pictures, and then I don't...yes, I'm pretty lame! :(

p.p.s. don't you just LOVE this clutch!

Yes, I said clutch! Based on book covers! Oh, Kate Spade, I like your style!

Friday, I'm in Love!

Kyle and I went out to dinner the other night at Twin Gardens (one of our favorite restaurants) and it was just an ordinary night for us, nothing special was going on. We had just looked at an apartment, and decided to get some dinner.

I ordered the Mu Shu Vegetables, he ordered the Pad Thai...we both ordered a Thai Iced Tea...when all of a sudden, our waitress surprises us by bringing out our drinks with napkins that had been cut into hearts!

And as if that wasn't nice enough, she also brought us spring rolls on the house!

Maybe we just looked like we were having a special night, or maybe she recently fell in love and decided to be extra nice to people who're in relationships...or maybe she was just in a good mood for no particular reason!

We were very thankful, whatever the reason! I love it when people are extra nice, because kindness is contagious! :)

-----------

Other things that I love:

This new line of Raw Chocolates we're carrying called Fearless. Not only is the chocolate (especially this one in particular) wonderful...the packaging is so cute! And so is the chocolate! The squares have stars and elephants on them, and the top right chocolate square has a little missing "bite"...it's too cute! :)

this little black dress is just too adorable :)

isn't this Chandelier just so pretty and cool? :)

i just love these pillow cases!

Snap Shots

I never got around to posting pictures from Discovery Park, Kyle and I's anniversary, or the Rose Garden, so here are a few of my favorite snap shots

[Taken at Discovery Park, WA...please enjoy, but do not steal!]

[Taken atop of the world! We had dinner at Sky City, the revolving restaurant at the top of the Space Needle!]

[Taken at the Rose Garden, however, with just our point and shoot, not the DSLR...I'll go back one day and taken better pictures, hehe]

One Week...

Instead of spending the past week actively doing things, I've just been too tired to do very much aside from going to work, and occasionally working out. All the fun artistic activities I thought I'd be spending my time doing haven't even been attempted.

It's not as if I'm depressed or something, I've actually been fine. Aside from life throwing me a huge curveball, and having it knock the wind out of me, I'm okay. I just have spent my free time reading, and watching movies or TV shows I always wanted to get into (Dead Like Me, and 30 Rock).

So if you've been wondering why I haven't been posting, it's not because every computer I have access to broke...it's not because I'm so lonely/sad that I won't crawl out of bed long enough to post something. I just haven't done much worth writing about. My most exciting adventure was to the mall, I can't resist a good semi-annual sale, and I definitely left the mall a little poorer, but with bags of cute clothes in my arms.

I am now at that halfway point, it's been exactly 7 days since Kyle left, and I only have 7 days left until I'm headed towards the lovely San Diego. I don't think I've ever been so excited to go home...aside from the possibility of not seeing one of my best friends, everyone else is in SD, for the first time in a really long time. It's so exciting, especially because I haven't seen a handful of those friends in about 6 (long) months!

It's going to be so nice to just do all of my favorite things with all of my favorite people! On my must-do list so far I have down Brazilian Bowls, Hookah, The Beach, Balboa Park, & The Del Mar Fair. I also already have plans to see Eclipse with Sahar, Claire, and Olivia on Wednesday night...and I'm having dinner/drinks with Megan Friday night. I don't have official plans with Sarah yet, but trust me, I will be spending A LOT of time with my lovely soul sister! The quince is on Saturday...and Sunday, I'm definitely feeling a giant get-together/BBQ and of course, watching the fireworks.

One week, it's all I have to get through, and I can do it! Being patient is SO annoying, but really, I have no other choice. Unless someone discovered how to fast-forward through time? No? Well, you should all keep trying.

Have a nice day, everyone!

See you soon, San Diego!

La-Dee-Dah

So, I haven't updated in a while...I've definitely tried on quite a few occasions and just haven't found the time. But it is now quite late at night, and I haven't spoken a single verbal word to ANYONE at all today...so now seems like a good time to say something, to someone...ssooo...

Some updates...Kyle and I went to Discovery Park on Sunday and went on an amazing hike. It started with a beautiful, open, green meadow, through a beautiful green forest, and went all the way down to the beach.

Monday was our 2 year anniversary...and despite that I was at work all day, it was pretty remarkable/amazing. The day started with us making eachother breakfast in bed (yeah, we're really that cute). I made Ban-illa Cinnamon Waffles (banana, vanilla, cinnamon) and Kyle made his infamous Banana, Chocolate, Peanut Butter Shake. Funnily enough, they're both so extensive that we finished around the same time. We ended up watching Arrested Development, and then he drove me to work. He picked me up and we ate a snack, while watching more Arrested Development :) I bought him some chocolates (yum!) and made him the poster I already posted...and he took me out to a very expensive dinner at Sky City (you know, the rotating restaurant atop the Space Needle). I ended up with a huge blister on the bottom of my right foot, Kyle's pants weren't finished drying, so they were a little damp...but we had an amazing time. The food was FANTASTIC, like melt in your mouth/melt your heart fantastic. And the view was constantly changing, we got there right as the sun was setting, and the night sky was just beautiful. After dinner we went up to the Observation Deck and enjoyed the view even more.

I thought our date was over, but even after being together for 2 years, he can still manage to surprise me :) Tuesday after he picked me up for work, he took me to the Rose Garden right by Woodland Park. It was super cute, and quite romantic. I love that he knows me so well he knows exactly where to take me, haha. It started raining, but it's alright, we still had fun. We ended up going to Zak's for dinner, and then went home and watched more Arrested Development, hehe.

Tuesday night consisted of very little sleep as we ended up staying up so late...by the time I fell asleep it was around 3am. Kyle didn't sleep because his flight to SD was at 6:30am, which meant we had to leave around 5:15-5:20am. It was suppose to be my day off, but my boss is really sick and called me in...so after getting home from dropping Kyle off, I was both grateful that thanks to coffee I didn't die while driving, and regretful because I couldn't immediately fall back asleep. I ended up falling asleep sometime around 9, slept until 10, and then went to work.

Since then I haven't really been up to much...finally finished season 3 of Arrested Development. Watched "Confessions of a Shopaholic" and "The Proposal". I did some grocery shopping...I thoroughly worked out this morning, which is good, because I need to be in better shape by Sahar's quince (yes, I know it's in 2 weeks). Also, yes, I know I'm not in horrible shape, but I'd really feel better if I slimmed down a bit, as well as toned up a bit. I'm still dreaming of Roller Derby, and am SO glad that Jenny agreed to skate with me when she & Diego move up here :D

Also, I bought a sewing machine and some fabric because I'm attempting to make my dress for Sahar's quince. I know what I want, and it's just easier doing it myself then trying to rely on stores to just magically make it appear. I have two weeks alone, so yes, that does mean I'm (once again) going to practice crocheting, work on some graphic collages, do some painting, learn some new recipes, practice my sculpting...and most importantly, sew like I've never sewn before! I think for fun (and practice) I'm going to make myself an apron, I received a really cute one for my birthday one year from some really good friends...had another friend borrow it, and never saw it again :(

But anyway, I don't have much else to say for now, so thank you blogger-world, for listening to me when I don't have anyone to talk to :)

p.s. I'll be posting pictures from the exciting events! look for them in the next post or so!

{we go together like ketchup and mustard}

Happy Anniversary, baby! Best two years of my life :)

Some Important People

Last week, it was both my Dad's birthday, and then my sister's the day after his. So, Happy Birthday, you crazy kids!

My relationship with my Dad has gotten a lot better since I moved out, and it's a lot easier for me to set aside any resentment/hurt feelings with all this distance. Whenever we talk on the phone or see each other, it's usually/mostly always pleasant :) Hugs and saying "I love you" have become a frequent part of our relationship, which in my book is a lot better than ignoring each other aside from a few smiles here and there. Yes, I guess I'm just another girl with "daddy issues", but really, I'm working on being forgiving and understanding, and it's not easy. But we're in a good place, and it makes me happy/relieved. His health and the future is still as rocky and uncertain as ever, and I'm glad our relationship actually exists and isn't tainted by resentment/anger/pain. Well, it might be a little bit, but it has gotten a lot better! His kidney is reaching the end of its days, and he'll probably begin dialysis within the next year...it's scary thinking of how difficult those times are going to be on my family. Hopefully he sets his stubbornness aside and gets on the donor waiting list...my Mom can't save him at the last minute this time.

I love my Dad, I really do. Despite everything, I still love him.

My little sister was born the day after my Dad's birthday, and last Thursday she turned 15! It's both crazy and exciting to think of how old she is and how much she's grown. I remember when I was 15, it was 6 years ago, which is crazy to think about, because it feels like it was just yesterday! 6 years from now I'll be 27, and she'll be 21! How strange!! haha. I still think of her as my baby sister...and I think I always will. She's been in a relationship with Ryan for almost an entire year now...which surpassed my expectations (no offense) just because I remember what high school was like. Aside from Kyle, I had never been in a relationship for that long! I'm so proud and happy for her, she's been through a lot, and she's grown into a wonderful young lady whom I gladly call one of my best friends :) Her Quinceanera is in 19 days! I'm so excited, it's such an exciting and important day in her life.

I love you Sahar! You're my favorite baby-girl! :)

Speaking of love. being proud, and best friends, my dearest best friend in the whole world, Sarah Marie Dozier, is now a college graduate! It's funny to say, but I look up to Ms. Dozier, I always have. I am so proud of all she's done, and how she's overcome so much to be where she is. Her determination and motivation are something I strive to attempt, lol. She's beautiful, amazing, and well on her way to an amazing life. I can't imagine her moving so far away from me, but even if we're bad at keeping in touch, she'll always have a piece of my heart with her. Love you, forever and ever, Soul Sister! :D

The Countdown to 2 Years continues

2 years ago tonight will mark another beautiful memory.

Kyle called and said he wanted to see me, I remember telling him I'd meet him outside my house. My parents were away because my Dad's birthday is June 10th, and my Mom took him to Vegas for the weekend.

I come outside, and the butterflies are just as excited as I am. Four days ago I realized I was in love with this beautiful boy. He asks me what I want to do, and I reply that I didn't know. So he says to me "if you could do anything in the world right now, anything at all, without regret and consequences, what would it be?"

I know immediately what he's hinting at, but I'm not convinced, so I make up a bunch of random things for us to do. First, lying on my roof and counting the stars, but we settle for lying on the hood of his car. "Now what?" he asks. "I want to see the moon, I can't see it at all!" I reply. So we start walking, and looking for it. We're halfway up the Del Cerro hill when he says, "I don't think it's visible tonight, so now what?" I decide that I want to sit on the big Del Cerro Hill rocks. We hike up that awful hill, and end up in the wrong overlook (the first one, not the second one) and there are no big rocks. Confused because I had never been to the wrong overlook, we plop down on some smaller rocks. The view is beautiful, we can see all of Lake Murray.

We end up talking all night again, but this time, we talk about the real reason we've spent the whole night together, again. The sun is rising, and it's the most beautiful view. Kyle takes my hand and tells me that he's fallen for me. We kiss, sort of, hah, he leaned in for a kiss while I hesitated and backed out of. It wasn't that simple, we couldn't just kiss and be together at this time. We settle for him giving me his jacket and wrapping his arm around me while we watch the morning begin. We eventually walk back down the hill and back to my house. I love looking back, but I think I've already mentioned that. :)

Nostalgia

2 years and 3 days ago marks the anniversary of the first time I realized I was in love with Kyle.

Falling in love occurred out of the blue, we were just friends, who enjoyed spending time together. But 2 years and 3 days ago, we breached the friendship wall and fell in love. You might not believe me, but I guarantee you I remember the instant where I realized I was in love with him.

I snuck out of my house in the middle of the night because we were going to video chat surprise Claire (yes, this was a completely innocent all-night adventure). Kyle picked me up from my house, and we drove over to Henry, where we planned to chat with Claire, in our search for some free wifi, we didn't end up actually "broadcasting" from Henry, but mooching off of some random person's internet. After chatting with Claire, I really had to go to the bathroom, so we went over to the Simms residence, where Sondra let us in. We hung out in her room for a little bit, and then when she wanted to go to sleep, we went back into his car. Without realizing how long it had been, it was already like 2 AM. But instead of just leaving, we ended up spending the rest of the night parked in the Simms driveway, just talking. About life, about music, art, books, movies, politics, religion, everything and anything.

It was at that moment, that I realized that not only was Kyle becoming one of my best friends, I was absolutely in love with him. I had to resist the urge to just reach over and hold his hand, or snuggle up next to him in his seat. I just have this picture perfect moment in my mind where I look over at him, and realize just how attracted I am to him, physically and emotionally. I remember being scared because I had never felt that way about anyone before, never, ever.

We ended up talking until like 5 AM, and then he took me home because he had work at 6 AM. I spent the rest of the day nervous, anxious, and so incredibly happy. Around 2 PM I got a phone call from him, telling me he was waiting for me outside, and he had Thai Iced Tea with him (one of our shared favorite drinks). We ended up going over to our old elementary school, where we walked around and swung on the swings. Talking, laughing, joking about "little boy dinosaurs" and other things :)

Afterwards, we went to Sala Thai together for the first of many, many times. Looking back at some of my favorite memories of us is probably one of my favorite thing to do. What I love even more is the continual addition of favorite memories. As we approach the 2 year mark, I just can't help but fill up with lovey dovey warm fuzzies.

{Excuse the ridiculous amount of love related posts on this blog, blame it on the bluesy-romantic songs that are constantly playing at my work, lol}

Trains are Romantic

{It's as if they were posing for me, haha}

Pure Love:

Love

Some Day, You'll be Mine:

Sety Recommends:

For a cute little movie full of meaning, visit http://imheremovie.com it's only 24mins but it is incredibly worth it!

For my loving mother:

How Lovely...

11:48pm

My bedroom windows are a little thinner than the ones in the living room (I think).

In the morning I can hear people as they get into the cars and leave for work, or school, or wherever. I can hear the family downstairs, the kids are loud, sometimes laughing and singing, sometimes grumpy and complaining.

Every night when I get back into bed and I hear a car door shut, and their car horn beeps once to let them know their doors are locked...I secretly hope that it's Kyle. That he hasn't been gone for 8 days now, this entire time he was just at the store, and that he's on his way up. I don't hold my breathe, but I know my ears are perked up a little more, hoping that I'll hear the front door unlocking and opening. That I'll hear him as he throws off his shoes and walks down the hall.

[I know it's not going to happen, but I can't help but torment myself this way.]

formspring.me

What was the happiest moment in your life?

When Kyle told me he loved me...I knew that I loved him, and I knew he loved me, but hearing it for the first time, was beautiful...and the way he said it, no three words had ever been spoken so softly, lovingly, timidly, and yet passionately.

Ask me anything

2/24/10

I couldn't sleep last night, at all, I can guarantee you I didnt fall alseep until somewhere close to 4-5am...I had turned off the lights, turned everything off since 1am in order to wake up early so I could make an important phone call....I set multiple alarms...and for some reason or another, my mind would not shut off! I was thinking about a lot of things, doing the usual, imagining fake scenarios of the phone call I was going to make...I was pretty nervous/anxious but excited at this new job prospect! The pay and hours are pretty damn good, and I'd be working with babies, and I LOVE babies! :)

After falling asleep, I woke to my first alarm at 9am...and because I hadn't gotten much sleep, I let myself doze a little longer, and at around 9:30 I dragged myself out of bed. I went to the bathroom, made myself some tea, did my morning stretches, and stared at my phone for a bit. I couldn't get past how to ask for Denise when I called..."Hi, may I please speak to Denise?" threw me back into the 6th grade when I didn't have a cell phone and called all my friends on their house phones, and that's what I always said when I called a friend. I couldn't say that, it'd be ridiculous sounding...too childishly polite. But I was so tired and nervous, I couldn't think of anything. So I called Kyle...luckily, he had a functioning brain at the time and told me I could say something like "Hi, I'm calling for Denise" but I thought that sounded not polite enough. Then he said, well, then just say "Hi, may I speak to Denise?" and I loved him a little bit more for making my day a little bit easier. He wished me luck and I called...

I got a voicemail that sounded a little too much like a personal voicemail, but I decided, well, maybe that's her cell phone number. Then paranoia hit me and I wondered if I called the right number. I hadn't...whoops! Someone's getting a strange voicemail that won't make sense to them! So, then I called the right number, and at the last minute said "Hi, I'm calling for Denise" (dang it!) I still had to leave a message, luckily it was with someone who works at 'Lil Acorn Sprouts. I left my number and name and the lady told me Denise would call me back.

Denise called, we had a nice chat, and I have an interview/try-out next Tuesday! Hopefully I won't be so nervous I mess up. It makes me wish Kyle (or anyone) was here for emotional support. If I let myself over think things, I get overly-nervous. Somehow, I'm going to have to keep myself calm all the way on the drive over, and while I'm there. I'd be great as a Toddler Assistant Teacher, I love babies! Luckily, I had an interview last Friday that I nailed...it was just the job I didn't nail. Sharie said she was very impressed with my interview, and that it was a really tough decision, and that any school would be lucky to have me (sweet, right?)!

AND this job pays better, has better hours, and despite it being on Mercer Island and I'll probably get stuck in traffic coming home everyday, I'd really like the job!

Also, I think my working out has been paying off! Or maybe my perspective's slightly off, either way. It feels good to move! I've also been drinking a lot of water, because that's what I used to do, and it really makes me feel good to be nice and hydrated. Also, I can avoid the extra sugars that are in juice if I limit my intake! :)

Things are going pretty good right now!

Sigh...

Last night was the worst...well, nights are horrible to begin with.
Everything's so quiet, the apartment feels even emptier when I retreat into the bedroom.
And then I have to be in a giant queen size bed, well it's not that it's really a giant queen size, it's a normal queen size, but it feels so big because I'm so small...

So there I was in my way-too-big-for-me bed, trying not to focus on how quiet it was, trying not to think about how empty the apartment felt, just simply trying to sleep. When it dawned on me that I'm going to have to do this for another 14 nights (details really aren't necessary, but if you wish to know why, ask me later). In the dark of night, alone with my thoughts, 14 nights seemed like the longest time ever (it still kind of feels like that).

Sigh, I just don't know what to do with myself. Mornings are kind of bad because I'm still so miserable from the previous night, I just want to hide under the covers. Days are fine, because I can preoccupy myself with my lappy, the TV, doing art, working out, cooking, cleaning, I can call people for company if need be, etc.

But nights, oh how I dread the nights.

they just make me feel so small and insignificant, so alone and forgotten.

Quiet Day

Kyle left for SD last night...somehow I managed to make it home and park (without scratching the car, lol). So far I'm doing okay...I retreated from the living room into the bedroom last night...just 'cause it felt less lonely...I watched Bedtime Stories on Netflix (it was better than I expected).


This morning I was kind of slow moving...despite the fact that it's a beautiful day outside...I can't really bring myself to go out. Driving in the Jeep makes me nervous, lol...it's so big :/ and parking makes me nervous!


So, instead, I've been keeping busy indoors...I did the dishes, did some laundry, cleaned the kitchen, took care of the excess cardboard boxes...and started an art project, which I'll post a picture of once I'm done with it...


I'm currently killing some time while the paint dries by watching TV...and I've got a potato baking in the oven for lunch :)

 *******************

I would just like to update this and say that my new catch phrase is "Bitch, please!" (thanks MG) ...Craig Ferguson is hilarious...nights are less lonely when spent talking/catching up with friends...I'm quite the procrastinator, but I'm wonderful at it...Peanut Butter Banana Honey Cinnamon Sammiches make me miss Kyle...so does the song (cover) Inside and Out by Feist [just because we both have waaayy to much fun singing along/dancing to that song 'cause we're dorks and will listen to it on repeat all day! haha]
BUT
I survived the first day alone just fine, and I know tomorrow will be okay, I've got a job interview and a few chat dates to keep me company! :)

Nighttime is the worst...but I think I can handle it.
Goodnight World!