Interview...

With A Vampire Human. lol

So, sleeping before something important has never been one of my strongest attributes. I just get so nervous/excited that my mind won't shut up. But, I was in bed by 12am...and I probably fell asleep somewhere around 2am. What's funny is that before going to bed, I realized that I probably should've asked my mom to call me in the morning to make sure I was awake...and then around 7:15 (10 mins before I set my first alarm) I got a phone call from my mom...though, it wasn't intentional. She either purse-called me or butt-dialed me (most likely it was her purse, haha).

Yes, my interview wasn't until 10am...but I know myself well enough to know that setting my alarm around 7:30 should get me there in time. I got up, made some coffee, threw my pants into the machine, took a shower, figured out what top I was wearing, and then I started running out of time (or so I thought)...I checked online and the school was only 15-20mins, but up to 50mins in traffic. I was hurrying to get out the door, and then I realized I didn't figure out what kind of shoes I was wearing...so I threw some on (I wasn't 100% happy with them, but they worked) and ran out. Luckily no one was parked near me, haha, that always makes me nervous when I back out because the lot is so small.

I was driving over to the school and I popped in a good reliable Death Cab mix I made in like, High School, haha. Luckily I didn't get lost, and I got there 15mins early!

The interview went relatively well...talking went perfectly fine, with the adults, haha. I didn't realize that the school is split up into two portions. Little Acorn and Little Acorn Sprouts. I'd be working with the Sprouts, and while the pay is good and the hours would be good. Can I openly admit here that I'm uncertain if I want to work with children between 1 and 2 1/2? Changing diapers isn't something I'd mind doing for my own children...but I don't know if I want to change so many diapers of so many children...and they're so young some of them have difficulty keeping clean. They get slobbery and their noses run all over the place.

I know I want to kids, but ideally, if I'm working with young kids, I'd prefer working with kids at least 4...does that make me horrible? lol...but I don't know quite yet how I feel about all of it, ya know? I'll give it some time, think things through, make sure it's what I really want.

But I don't know if I've even gotten the job yet! hahaha...I'll find out by the end of the week...mmmm...

11:48pm

My bedroom windows are a little thinner than the ones in the living room (I think).

In the morning I can hear people as they get into the cars and leave for work, or school, or wherever. I can hear the family downstairs, the kids are loud, sometimes laughing and singing, sometimes grumpy and complaining.

Every night when I get back into bed and I hear a car door shut, and their car horn beeps once to let them know their doors are locked...I secretly hope that it's Kyle. That he hasn't been gone for 8 days now, this entire time he was just at the store, and that he's on his way up. I don't hold my breathe, but I know my ears are perked up a little more, hoping that I'll hear the front door unlocking and opening. That I'll hear him as he throws off his shoes and walks down the hall.

[I know it's not going to happen, but I can't help but torment myself this way.]

Sigh...

Last night was the worst...well, nights are horrible to begin with.
Everything's so quiet, the apartment feels even emptier when I retreat into the bedroom.
And then I have to be in a giant queen size bed, well it's not that it's really a giant queen size, it's a normal queen size, but it feels so big because I'm so small...

So there I was in my way-too-big-for-me bed, trying not to focus on how quiet it was, trying not to think about how empty the apartment felt, just simply trying to sleep. When it dawned on me that I'm going to have to do this for another 14 nights (details really aren't necessary, but if you wish to know why, ask me later). In the dark of night, alone with my thoughts, 14 nights seemed like the longest time ever (it still kind of feels like that).

Sigh, I just don't know what to do with myself. Mornings are kind of bad because I'm still so miserable from the previous night, I just want to hide under the covers. Days are fine, because I can preoccupy myself with my lappy, the TV, doing art, working out, cooking, cleaning, I can call people for company if need be, etc.

But nights, oh how I dread the nights.

they just make me feel so small and insignificant, so alone and forgotten.

If dreams came true...

My dream summer music festival would not be Coachella nor would it be Bonnaroo...it would be a combination of both...which is what I'm hoping Sf Outside Lands (or Bumbershoot) will be!

Here's my dream meshing of the line-ups:

Muse, Phoenix, MGMT, Spoon, Dave Matthews Band, Kings of Leon, Weezer, Tenacious D, The Flaming Lips with Stardeath and the White Dwarfs performing Dark Side of the Moon (This is not made up, this is one of the artists listed for Bonnaroo!!) Regina Spektor, Tori Amos, Ingrid Michaelson, Les Claypool, The Black Keys, She & Him, They May be Giants, Calexico (though, I'd request Iron & Wine play with them), Tokyo Police Club, Brandi Carlile, The Postelles, Vampire Weekend, Grizzly Bear, Yeasayer, Camera Obscura, Yo la Tengo, Florence and the Machine...plus, of course, the smaller bands to open for all of these bands. lol

Personal Additions:
Death Cab for Cutie, Iron and Wine, Modest Mouse, Arctic Monkeys, Franz Ferdinand, Jack Johnson...etc.

It's That Time Again...

Well, it's not that time again for me, now it's Sahar's turn. She's turning 15 which means my family is frantically finishing making plans for her Quinceanera!


It's actually quite exciting, especially because I like planning things :) She's got a theme picked out, the date picked out (July 3rd), the location for the reception, the church! She's working on finding the right dress (so am I, actually, haha) and other little details! It's so exciting! I have such fond memories of my party, I hope hers will be just as memorable! I am the photographer of the big day, which is so exciting!


What's kind of funny is that I'll have a big handful of friends there as well, because they've watched her grow over the years, and she's definitely a friend of theirs too! :)


For my dress, I think I want something similar to this:

 

But to be honest, while I love this dress, I think I could make it better myself...which is just another reason to do what I've been wanting to do for some time now...buy  myself a sewing machine! I've got some great ideas for clothing, and I think with the right amount of time, I could get really good at it :)

But we'll see...maybe I'll get one for my birthday...but aside from a sewing machine, the ONLY THING I WANT FOR MY BIRTHDAY IS: Money!

I'm saving up money so that I can go to Costa Rica with some friends this summer, and I think that's a pretty great way to celebrate my 21st birthday, don't you think?! :D

My friend Yanira invited Kyle and I to stay at her friend's (my acquaintance's) family's house, so the only thing we'd have to pay for is the flight to and from Costa Rica! :) It's going to be this fun little couple retreat thing, so Yanira's bringing her BF, Annette's BF is going, another couple, us, and possibly Claire & Matt! It should be SO much fun! I really hope we can go! :D

What an Ordinary Life!

So I've been "distracted" this week, I guess...at the very least, I totally forgot about my little blog! So sorry!

Anyway, my week was...pretty ordinary. Lots of reading/studying. A good amount of shopping...mostly groceries...oh, and my poor loofah died, so I bought a new one...as well as a comfy fuzzy sweater :)

I've been reading the Percy Jackson & the Olympians series, and can I just say they are ADDICTING! But they're kids books, so I read through them super quickly, but they're entertaining! I read the 3rd one in one sitting...about 4 hrs...sadly, I had bought the 4th and 5th ones on Amazon like a week ago, and they're not getting here for so long! Like the beginning of February long! And THEN Amazon decided to split up my shipping to "benefit" me except for the fact that they're sending me the 5th one first :(

Oh, my brother got arrested for Thursday night...not for anything serious. Not for anything, actually. My parents own a dealership, and he was just getting his car from the lot. Cops thought he was breaking in...one ridiculous big misunderstanding. Sure, the cops can catch my brother "breaking" in, but they couldn't catch any of the real criminals who've broken into their place.

I aced my psych exam, which was super awesome! I have so much work due by Monday though :(

Sigh, my life is kind of boring, sorry world! lol :)

The Civic

Oh how that Honda Civic has been missed, and will continue to be missed. In that glorious little car, Kyle and I shared many happy memories. I can not even remember how many nights I snuck out of my house, and into that car. Sunroof opened up so we could count the stars, the seats reclined all the way back. In front of my house, around the corner from my house...in the Dailard parking lot...
Oh Dailard, you weren't my elementary school, but I spent a lot of time in your parking lot. Remember that first night in the parking lot? Kyle and were just "friends" then...it was incredibly late, and we were listening to music, Kyle trying (and succeeded) to impress me by using his phone to give his laptop wifi, and hooking it up to the speakers of his car, so we could listen to whatever we want. You asked me to name a band, I said the Doors. Before you could ask me what song, you were already playing it...we laid there listening to "Light my Fire", I blushed and said you read my mind. We sang along and shared that intimate moment...then we continued talking about music. Discovering my favorites were your favorites, talking about our most embarrassing favorite songs and bands. You gushed over the All American Rejects, I tried to get you to appreciate Paramore's first album.
What about that one night. We were dating now, and we were still sneaking out and spending the night in the Dailard parking lot. We weren't listening to music then, I was curled up next to you and we were talking about the stars. It got quiet, and I asked "Tell me a secret...something that no one else knows". You looked me in the eyes, and I knew what you were going to say...what we both wanted to say but couldn't find the courage. Well my dear, you took the opening, and you said "I love you". My heart melts a little every time I look back on this. Your eyes were so honest, you almost whispered it, you looked so vulnerable because for some reason you didn't know how I'd respond. I laughed and, then I knew you were being honest. I asked "are you being cute, or are you being serious?" You gave me a nervous smile and said "both?". We leaned in and kissed, and I pressed my forehead against yours and said "I love you too".

Learning to Breathe

So I don't think I've mentioned this before, but I think I've developed a heart condition called supraventricular tachycardia. I know that Web MD isn't the only source for medical advise, but it's a pretty good one. So I typed in all of my symptoms, rapid heart rate accompanied by pulsating (literally feeling it beating heavily in your chest), dizziness/blurred vision, accompanied by nearly fainting, and difficulty breathing. Now, I could just be having panic attacks or something of the same psychological source, (though I doubt it considering Kyle can also feel my heart's abnormal behavior, and he had to help me keep my balance the couple of times I've momentarily lost consciousness) but either way, these past few days have been an attempt to learn how to breathe.

These miniature heart attacks are incredibly scary. I was in the bedroom making copies of an assignment, when I fell forward, luckily I didn't mess the copy up. All of last weekend and this Monday and Tuesday, these mini heart attacks have been coming and going, Monday they were quite frequent (a couple of times every hour). At the store I had a moment of sheer darkness, Kyle was showing me something, and while he was talking I lost consciousness. If you ask him, I just started moving like I couldn't balance and I had to hold onto him for support. My eyes were open, but I couldn't see a thing.


However, these past few days I've been taking it easy, and to be honest, I've been feeling a lot better. I've been resting a lot, the mini attacks don't happen when I'm lying down. I was going to see a doctor, but I think I'll wait it out considering the only way to confirm my medical concerns would be to be with a doctor while having an episode, and because that's nearly impossible to do, they would give me a little device that tracks my heart rate for a day or two until they catch an episode. With all this lying down, I haven't experienced an episode since Tuesday. Well, I've had a few brief moments when my heart started pulsating and my breathing got difficult, but lying down and deep breathing helps.


What I need to do is have a day where I'm out and about the entire day and see if that makes a difference...

The first week in 2010

The first week of  2010 started so great, ended so horribly, and now, when I have some spare time, I guess I'll explain.
I was so optimistic, and there's nothing wrong with that. Perhaps everything going so right, is the reason everything went so wrong. Thursday night/Friday morning was a time of no sleep, lots of stress, lots of sadness, and in general, a great feeling of hopelessness I never wish to experience again. I won't go into details for privacy's sake, but I'll just say that the only bright side was that it was resolvable, it just needed time. Upon arriving at my parent's home, absolutely exhausted, and with my mother fully aware of it, she decided to unload her feelings on a topic also too private to openly discuss. After all that had happened, she picked the worst time to talk about this. I stormed out of the house crying, with a dying cell phone, and not much else. I walked to the park 5 minutes away from my house, sat at a bench, and cried some more. In all honesty, it was the worst day I had had in a LONG time. The worst part being that I was so alone in my misery, and the one person I wanted to talk to more than anyone was unreachable for the time being.
A few minutes later, my brother texted me with some overtly ridiculous solutions to what he thought was bothering me, I explained that our mother was the current problem, and because he's my big brother and looks out for me, he snuck me into his room and created a mini-refuge (have I mentioned how much I love him?). My mom, feeling guilty for her actions called me and asked me to come home (not knowing I already was there) after a tearful apology, we hugged, I went into the guest bedroom and slept for hours.


When I woke up, it was nearly time to get ready for the "baby jesus party" which I was afraid wasn't going to be very successful (for me at least), however, everything turned out alright. With the exception of my dying cell phone, who now claims my SIM card is missing or inactive (neither of which are true), so Kyle tried throwing my SIM card into his phone, and it didn't work there either. Sigh...so I now need to get it examined.


San Diego was a fun/stressful trip, and I can honestly say I am glad to be back in my comfy apartment with time to just focus on me/my interests.
This morning was a pretty good indication that my luck is turning around...I think I mentioned this before, but because we had to park in the airport parking lot, we were going to have to pay $416...however, we found a ticket that was dated 1/07/2010, so we only had to pay $78! We stopped to get air in our tires before  heading home cause they were pretty low, experienced little to no traffic, grabbed some groceries, stopped at the bank to make some deposits, lugged our bags upstairs, got the mail, made a sammich, then planned on going to the Att store...and instead passed out for a couple of hours.


All in all, I'm still feeling optimistic, and tomorrow's gonna be a good day :)

First Post in 2010

I know it's a little late...but here it is...my first thoughts in the new year.

All I can say is that little 'ole me is striving for greatness, and hopefully this year will be a good one (though to be honest, it feels like I'm about "due" for a bad year).

I want to continue to do well in school, find a job that I enjoy, maybe do an internship on the side, work out frequently, save some money for travels this summer, figure out what I want to do with me life, and overall, be happy.

School starts next week! I just bought books, which reminds me that I need to sell last quarter's books! I'm kind of excited for classes, I'm taking an Environmental Issues course, a Geology lab, and a Human Sexuality course.

I've got a fancy new camera as my companion, and I can't wait to take pictures back home!

Things have been a little emotionally shaky for me recently, but it's all fixable. I was just feeling unloved/abandoned/forgotten by some friends...however, I was just being overly emotional, and after a good hang out session, I'm feeling better. Hopefully this Friday will bring me the comfort I need!

Overall, I'm very excited because I think/hope this year is going to be a good one! I turn 21, my sister turns 15, I'm going to get a job/finally finish settling into a new life in Seattle, I'm going to stick my to my "resolution" of getting into shape because hopefully (given that we save enough money) we're going to Costa Rica this summer! We got invited by a friend of ours, and I really want to make it happen! However, it'd be nice not to feel self conscious in a bathing suit, and seeing as it's Costa Rica, and I'm assuming much time will be spent in a bathing suit, it's my leading goal to getting fit (and of course to be healthy and yada yada yada). Kyle's brother's graduating from high school, so is the twin's brother! Little Paul Gordon might actually be going to UW, so maybe I'll be seeing him around the city! I've even got a friend (I won't mention names because nothing is certain yet) who's considering moving to Seattle! Lots of excitement! :)

Hurray for the New Year!
I wish everyone a happy and successful 2010!

Recaps and Highlights!

I've been a bbbaaaaaaddd blogger! Sowwies!
I'm on vacation/have been completely absorbed by family in the land of San Diego...oops!


Our flight from Seattle to San Diego was straight out of a horror story, and one of the worst traveling experiences ever, almost as bad as our crazy trip to D.C. but I guess it all turned out okay in the end (I don't feel like re-telling it now, maybe some other time, haha)


But anyway, here's a quick recap of my Christmas...


Dec. 24, 2009 Christmas Eve:
9am Breakfast made by Chris (my brother-in-law) Esh...homestyle potatoes, poached eggs, & english muffins [dddeeelliiiccciiiooouuussss!]

12pm Lunch at Chilies with Kyle's grand-pa, mommy, Kaleb, Uncle Steve, Trevor, & Trevor's friend

2pm Last minute shopping at Mission Valley

4pm Early dinner at Kyle's Auntie B's house with B, Uncle Bob, the cousins & girlfriends, mommy & brother

6pm Dinner with my family at my parent's house, followed by playing the Wii and wrapping presents

12am Midnight Mass, and then home again to sleep!



December 25th, 2009 Christmas Day:
9am Kyle's Mom's house for present opening! [She got me a lovely ivory sweater and some pretty black earrings, in addition to the mass amounts of candy in the little stocking she got me, and some fuzzy socks from his grandma!]

12pm Back to my house for more present opening! [I got lots of long sleeve shirts, sweaters, a jacket, an ansel adams book, a necklace, oh, and a DSLR (!!!!! I know, right?!) from Kyle!!]

4pm Early Dinner at Kyle's Grandmother's house with Uncle Dean & his sons, Kyle's mommy & Kaleb, and of course Roy.

5pm Dinner at the Esh house (Chris' family) for the rest of the night.

---------------------
So basically, Christmas was spent running around, haha, hectic but fun. :)


Some other highlights:
Seeing Sarah Dozier the first Friday we were in SD :) I didn't get to see her for an extraordinary long time, just a few hours, but it was so very well worth it! We made bread sticks for lunch and caught up on life, which was wonderful!

Seeing Claire Friday night :) She had crazy stories from England, we even got to Skype with her BF which was nice! We played some games, Michael was also there, he even watched us play a round of beer pong (we lost horribly to Team Matt(s) because they...they're...just too good...) It was a fun little get-together :)

Helping my mom build the guest bed was fun (hah) it was last Sunday when the Chargers were playing, so in order to avoid traffic, we went to the Costco by Grossmont Center...but they didn't have the mattress in the right size! So we ended up driving to the Mission Valley one, and making it JUST in time! They literally shut the front door as my mom ran in at 5:59pm. Later that night we went to Sipz with Sondra, hehe :D

Dinner at Sultan Banoo ...great Persian food in University Heights! nom nom nom!

Playing with my DSLR! I've been taking amazing pictures :D

Watching Avatar! The movie was amazing, we saw it in 3-D and made it JUST in time! Highly Recommended!

Family Game Night was also fun! We played Scattergories! Haha...my family's a little too competitive, but we all had fun in the end :)

Kyle's Birthday! and More!

Dear Kyle's mommy 20 years ago yesterday, you gave birth to my amazing boyfriend, so honestly, and I mean it, thank you! Because you did all the work! :)


Kyle's 20th Birthday was yesterday, Wednesday. And, we are obviously back in San Diego. Let me tell you, this pretty little city is currently burning like a soul in hell! It is RIDICULOUS! It's honestly been over 100 degrees every day we've been here! Back home in the NW it was reaching high 80s...I think it got up to 90 the day we left...but either way, over 100 is TOO hot for comfort! Oh well, soon we'll be back to our nice weather where it's not sweltering and so hot that you can't stand being outside for too long!


For Kyle's birthday, we basically spend the day eating, haha. We started the morning off with breakfast...my mommy made some of her infamous fries, I made some scrambled eggs...nothing too special, but it was nice. A few hours down the line, we decided on Brazilian Bowls for lunch which was a great decision, it was cold and refreshing! After visiting K's mommy at her work, we decided on dinner plans with his family, and ate at Sipz. The meal was large and delicious, but the best part was the dessert. Not only did they bring out a lighted candle on a  BIG piece of chocolate cake, we also ordered the Banana Cake, and the Raspberry Cheesecake! Yum for Vegan desserts!! Afterwards, we went back to my house and passed out from the food coma that had settled in.


We woke to the sounds of the TV blasting the news, my dad sure does love his CNN in the morning. We lazed around for a bit, then decided we wanted Big Kitchen for breakfast...and managed to get there around 1:30, haha. We met up with Diego and Scott, ate some french toast and waffles and potatoes, and hung out accidentally past their closing time. I went to pick up Sahar from school, Kyle hung out with his friends. Sahar and I got home and it was like old times I swear. We were making plans to hang out, but she's doing this stupid thing where she's going to school, so she had a bunch of tests to study for and homework to do, and then she remembered that it was also her Open House at her high school (that still surprises me...that my little sister is in High School! Shit! haha)


So I decided that was all extra lame and went swimming with Kyle, Diego, Jenny, Scott, Anders, Taylor, and Jessica. Which was super awesome because the water felt amazing after dying of heat all day...and it was lots of fun as well. Then we went to Coldstone, where I saw a girl named Brittany, I went to middle/high school with her, but I can't remember her last name...anyway, all I really remember is that she got crazy into drugs and lost ridiculous amounts of weight, and I'm pretty sure she dropped out of high school. After Coldstone, we all went to Sipz (minus Jessica & Taylor; plus Joaquin & Emily) and had mass amounts of food, it was fantastic as usual. I got some BBQ fusion rolls (vegan sushi), Kyle got the Thai "Chicken" Curry, both of the dishes were great, but I think I liked Kyle's more. Oh, and we both got Strawberry Lemonade, because it's probably the best Strawberry Lemonade in SD :) Then we all hung out at Christoff's for a while, Kyle & I left around 1am-ish because we're trying to keep healthy sleeping habits, haha.


I received a lovely video message from Claire (she's currently studying abroad in England) and it just reminded me of how much I miss her! :( Being in San Diego is great, except for the fact that all of my friends have already gone back to school...well, except for Chrissy/Chris...but they're so busy, I haven't even seen them yet. Hopefully I get to see them on Saturday though!


Goodnight San Diego!

Strawberry Banana Pancakes and Netflix

Today began with Kyle making breakfast while I played Megaman 9 haha :) Well, actually, I was sleeping while Kyle was playing Megaman, then he came and woke me up. I was watching him play the game while grumbling about breakfast and he told me he'd make breakfast as long as I kept playing, a request I gladly accepted.


I don't know if you've ever played Megaman...or Megaman9...but we were playing on easy, and it was extremely difficult! haha. I tried the "Tornado Man" level multiple times, to no real avail. There are these spinning (batteries?) things on a wire moving back and forth, and they're incredibly difficult. I passed the first part a few times, but it was heart breaking to have to start ALL over, time after time! Kyle suggested I play the "Galaxy Man" level because he liked the music and had fun when he was playing it earlier. So I tried, and did pretty well, eventually, I even beat Galaxy Man himself! (Kyle hasn't even beaten a boss yet, so it was quite the achievement!) Soon after, while I tried the "Plug Man" level a few times and desperately failed once or twice, Kyle announced from the kitchen that breakfast was ready!


He had made strawberry-banana pancakes and some scrambled eggs, along with a peanut-butter chocolate banana soymilk shake! It was delicious :) and after glancing through the Instant Queue (we're kind of addicted to Netflix) we decided to watch Say Anything. My mom called at some point, we got buzzed by two different delivery guys, and overall distracted, which I kind of really hate during movies, but I've seen it numerous times, so it was forgivable! Aside from that, and planning all the things we need to do tomorrow, we didn't really do anything tomorrow. Which reminds me, we need to do laundry so that we have clean clothes to pack!


For Kyle's birthday (which is Wednesday) he decided that he'd really like to spend it with his friends and family, which was totally fine with me, we've been feeling kind of home sick. Well, not "home" sick exactly...more like "people" sick. Our weather and new city have been beautiful...and I kind of just wish that all of our friends lived here...our families visiting often, of course. haha. It will be so nice to be back in San Diego, even if it's just for a week! Then we get to start school the day after we get back! But for now I'll just worry about getting Kyle something for his birthday. It's nearly impossible to do considering he's with me all the time, but I've got a few plans up my sleeves! :)


Tonight I will:
1. Do laundry!
2. Pack!
3. Clean!
4. Check into our Flight!
5. Sleep? (haha, hopefully)


Tomorrow we are:
1. Going to the DOL to apply for WA state drivers licenses (we don't have DMVs up here, we have Departments of Licensing, which is like the DMV but perfectly organized into different offices depending on what you need to get done. when I registered the new car, it honestly took me maybe 20 mins! it was beautiful...)
2.  Mailing everything I've been planning on mailing...birthday packages to Sarah, Sondra, Jamala, Sanya, and Linda (I'm horrible, I know, holding so many people's presents hostage! I've just been so busy!)
3.  Dropping off some Job Applications
4. Getting to the Airport by 5pm (maybe earlier would be a better idea? I guess we're just parking our car in the airport parking lot and hoping no one breaks into it the entire week it'll be sitting there? OR maybe we'll just take a cab...)

Goodnight for now, I guess the next time I'll write will be directly from San Diego! Or, if I'm so occupied I don't have any down time...when we get back!